Especially for You, with deep reverence and love for what it takes to move through the world as a butch. We love the paradoxes you embody, the beauty you shine and the irresistible sexy energy that draws us to you. Please accept these butch brownies, made by our own femme hands, as a small but passionate token of appreciation for your existence. You are rare gems, and you rock our worlds! Love, Jill and Melanie
All or most batches organic: unbleached all-purpose wheat flour, unrefined or refined sugar, unsweetened chocolate, butter, eggs, semisweet chocolate, cocoa, natural flavorings.
As ever, click on any image to enlarge it. (Too bad this doesn't work for other parts of life.)
Saturday June 24th was a happy day in my life. Before the Dyke March, when hordes of women gather in Dolores Park, I got to combine two of my favorite passions: brownies and butches. With a little exhibitionism thrown in, its a wonder I didn't get sent straight to hell.
For a week, I made brownies. Before the march, I went over to my friends Brett and Melanie (butch boi and femme respectively) and combined my brownies with Mel's. We wrapped the brownies in a butch appreciation message (reproduced above) printed on colored paper with glittery designs on the back: red with gold, white with blue, pink with silver and so on. As we walked out the door, the brownies nestled in a red satin box with a gold flap, on which we mounted the ingredients along with the butch appreciation message in a pink heart. I can't remember the last time I was so excited.
Giving away the brownies wound up much less straightforward (so to speak) than I would have guessed. For one thing, eight out of ten people assumed we were proffering "special" brownies. Luckily, we ran into a woman doing just that, and she followed us around so we referred those clientele to her. Strategic business alliances rock.
Secondly, femmes and men and (apparently) straight folks were mighty interested in brownies. I explained that they were for self-identified butch women only. Brett chimed in with flowers for femmes some of the time, which placated a few, but a number of men went away empty-handed. One inebriated young feminine woman went on and on about how she had a butch cousin. I told her the brownies were made especially for self-identified butch women.
"Oh, like YOU'RE butch!? She said, looking me up and down.
Oh. Like you have a brain cell left?
M weak attempt at explanation proved futile. She repeated herself, gesture and all. Finally she picked up a brownie.
"That's not okay with me," I said.
"Oh, well, we're all family," she said, and ate the brownie as she walked away.
Hello?
Meanwhile, the butches seemed delighted. About half of them would reach for their wallets, and I explained that they were not for sale, that they were our gift of love to butch women. They lit up with gratitude. When they read the message we included, a few came back to personally thank me for my words.
Some clearly (to me) butch women arrived unsure if they qualified. "Well, I'm sort of a soft butch," a few offered. We told them their identity was up to them. I saw a couple of out-and-out lies, chocolate-induced, for sure. I finally interrupted the implausible yarn about identity being spun by one cleavage, makeup and miniskirt-sporting woman by asking her to please respect our intention. She backed off, I like to think a bit relieved of having to sustain her awkward lie.
The thing that (at first) surprised me the most was how miffed some people got when they found out they could not buy a brownie for themselves. In particular, one woman's face tightened up.
"That's discrimination," she said.
"I made these with my own hands and am giving them to whom I wish," I said.
"That's really racist," the woman retorted.
Huh?
Finally, I got it. Those slighted (all white) felt entitled to have whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. The butch women of the world have to deal every day with judgment and exclusion, crude and subtle. For once, here was something sweet offered ONLY to butch women, a direct reversal of the usual order of things. It reminded me of similar reactions when years ago I charge white women and people of color less to come to some of my flirtation workshops. Some white men got miffed, as if we were actually on a level playing field to begin with, and I was somehow introducing rather than repairing an inequality. And here I was just wanted to give butches something yummy.
Brett and Melanie had the foresight to anticipate these awkward moments. I did not. I thought we'd just show up and the appropriate targets would identify themselves. Instead I got a chance to become a sort of lingerie-wearing, brownie-toting anthropologist.
My m.o. in general, and for this gig in particular, was to share my love through food, not piss people off by denying it to them. At the same time, I felt strongly that I wanted to stick to my intention. I think it was really powerful for the butches who got to witness me telling men, femmes and straight folks effectively, No, actually, this is for her, not you. How often does that happen to a butch woman? I enjoyed that part of the dynamic, which helped make up for how the food withholding violated my Jewish Mama gene.
Oh, did someone ask about the lingerie? The dress was a $1,000.00 Perla number that I borrowed from a friend. I had tried it on weeks before just for fun, and was amazed at how it looked on me. I don't think most lingerie looks that good on me, but I just loved how this dress, with its matching bra and panties worn underneath, flattered. I wound up using my own undergarments, preferring a black lace thong and leopard push-up bra to their Perla counterparts.
Halfway through our time there, I swapped out my platforms for bedroom slippers, and toward the end, donned a long silk bathrobe my mom had given me for my wedding. Little does she know. I did take off the bathrobe and hoist myself back up on the platforms for a final brownie giveaway round, braving the San Francisco cold.
All photos, BTW, by Sweet Boi Brett, except those of Brett hymself. I took these--view hir and drool:
Speaking of drooling over sweet bois, someone asked about the brownies themselves: There were, essentially, two batches, Sweet Bois and Diesel Fuel. The sweet bois were a classic recipe, the kind most folks would be familiar with. Melanie used a Martha Stewart recipe and I went to Cooks Illustrated. The Diesel Fuel were my adaptation of the CI classics, adding cocoa, semi-sweet chocolate, strong coffee and brandy. I wanted something with the classic texture but severely amped-up chocolate content. CI offers a triple-fudge brownie, but the texture of that recipe is more like a thick chewy fudge than a brownie, and you can't really eat more than one square inch of them. My Diesel Fuel recipe is still in progress, but I've reproduced the current version below. Please do tell me how they turn out, if you use it.
Jill's Diesel Fuel Brownies
Note: These brownies were developed specifically for Dyke March 2006 where the lovely Miss Melanie and I served them under a sign that read "Brownies for Butches"
Be sure to test for doneness before removing the brownies from the oven. If underbaked (the toothpick has batter clinging to it), the texture of the brownies will be dense and gummy; if overbaked (the toothpick comes out completely clean), the brownies will be dry and cakey.
When serving to butches, supply lots of napkins, and don?t take it personally if appreciation gets expressed primarily in monosyllables.
Makes about forty brownies when cut small
1 cup plain cake flour (or all-purpose; the texture will be just slightly different)
1/2 tsp table salt
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3 T Green & Black's organic cocoa (this is the most potent--add 1 T at least if you use another brand)
6-8 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped fine
2 oz semisweet chocolate
12 T unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks, cut into six 1-inch pieces)
2 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup powdered sugar
4 large eggs
1T vanilla powder or crushed vanilla beans if possible, extract if not
1. Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 325 degrees. Line a 9 X 13-inch baking pan with tin foil so that it hangs over the sides (you'll use it to lift the brownies out later) and grease it up with butter or your oil of choice.
2. Sift flour, salt, cocoa, powdered sugar and baking powder together, then whisk to combine in medium bowl; set aside.
4. Melt both unsweetened and semisweet chocolate along with butter in a large heatproof bowl set over saucepan of almost-simmering water, stirring occasionally, until smooth. (Alternatively, in microwave, heat butter and chocolate in large microwave-safe bowl on high for 45 seconds, then stir and heat for 30 seconds more. Stir again, and, if necessary, repeat in 15-second increments; do not let chocolate burn.) When chocolate mixture is completely smooth, remove bowl from saucepan and gradually whisk in sugar. Add eggs one at time, whisking after each addition until thoroughly combined. Whisk in vanilla. Add flour/cocoa mixture in three additions, folding with rubber spatula until batter is completely smooth and homosexual. Um, I mean homogeneous.
5. Transfer batter to prepared pan; using spatula, spread batter into corners of pan and smooth surface. Bake until toothpick or wooden skewer inserted into center of brownies comes out with few moist crumbs attached, 30 to 35 minutes. Cool on wire rack to room temperature, about 2 hours, then remove brownies from pan by lifting foil overhang. Cut brownies into 1.5-inch squares and serve. Store leftovers in airtight container at room temperature or in refrigerator up to 3 days. Or freeze--these taste wonderful and chew quite tenderly just out of the freezer and are delightful in hot weather.
