How to Love Yourself

First, decide to love yourself. It isn't always something that "just happens."

Next, realize self-love is a practice--sometimes a "fake it 'til you make it" practice. You can get better at it with time and dedication.

Drop any investigation into whether you"are worthy" of your own love. A tiny child in the care of a loving adult doesn't get grilled thusly. Maybe you are a grimy, crusty, piece of shit.  So what? (Big secret: you aren't). Do you think denying yourself love will help you grow into a sequoia?

Start by noticing your breath. This is a simple way we nourish ourselves every day that's both voluntary and involuntary.  Notice more of the bazillion other ways our body loves itself without us even telling it to.  We lubricate our joints, moisten our eyes, eliminate toxins, bring nourishment to cells, every single moment.

We are a love machine.

Thank your body.  Thank the force in the universe, in whatever way you conceptualize it, for fueling these loving processes.

Decide to join that force by choosing to love yourself.

Loving yourself is a choice, followed by acts of furtherance.

With me so far?  Decided to love yourself?

Good.

Now.

Tune into yourself.

What do you need right now?

Hmm.  I'm stopping for water right here, myself!

Give yourself what your body needs right now, even if it's just a shift in position in your office chair.

What do you need to eat, drink, touch, smell, hear, to love yourself?

Who do you need to go to? Who reflects back to you an image you can love? Go to them. Listen to them. Love them hard and they will help you love yourself! Court the self you can love through others who reflect that self back to you.

Yes, we love ourselves alone, and yes, we do it through others.  No being is an island.

Now DO LOVE. Commit loving actions unto yourself. Eat nourishing food. Acquire something that makes you happy.  It could be a flower, or a leaf. When I was in Mexico last month, we stopped by the side of the road because Cainan needed to pee. On the ground was a rusty, bent hanger. I saw a piece of art (pictured above). It now hangs on my wall.

Expect to find love everywhere.

You'll be a lot more likely to.

The point is, DON'T WAIT until you "feel like" loving yourself, or convince yourself you aren't a piece of shit.

Decide to love yourself. Decide to tell yourself a loving story about your inherent goodness and beauty.

Somewhere you learned how to treat yourself, and what to believe about yourself, probably from people who themselves were hurt and not fully in love.

Today you can choose differently.

Realize you may need to release pain as part of loving yourself. Let it happen, let it be what it is, just as a river overflows. Just as we release our sweat and pee, let your tears come where they will. Embrace them.

Realize it is your brokenness that allows love to nourish you deeply. It is into those deepest cracks that love most wants to flow and quench your parchedness. And it is your brokenness that can help you open--if you let it.

What happens when you work out a long-dormant muscle?  That's right--pain.

Decide to love yourself.

Even if it hurts.

Looking at this image again, I see a person on their back, with a little homonculus climbing out of their hearta and whispering into their ear...I can almost hear the sweet nothings...

Comments

[tallon]

Thanks for this Jiggy. I'm soooo glad, you write, and that you are YOU.